So this evening G and I are going to ring in the new year with the friend of G's and his wife. I hate new year's eve and normally G and I spend it at home with a home cooked meal and a good bottle of wine. But this year we decided to accept the invitation and be with actual 3 dimensional people so off we will go. And thanks to it being London we will be paying a cool 50 quid for the pleasure of getting there and back in a cab. Fricking highway robbery.
G and I were talking this morning about what we achieved this year - I got down to 61kg (oh sweet memories), I moved in with G, we got engaged, had a big trip to NZ and had some other great holidays too. In addition I began a new job which has meant a lot more money but also a lot more stress. But all in all I think I'm up on last year.
So what will 2008 bring? Mainly I'm just really excited to be able to say 'we are getting married next year' and actually feel like its going to happen. Of course, I am also determined to get down to 55kg or more importantly, a size 10. I'm almost looking forward to the challenge.
So for the last few days I have been on the anti-diet which basically means eating the world until I can't anymore because I'll be on the diet. Yup, right there is my problem I think you'll find. Before I start a diet I'll eat all my favourite foods that I won't be able to eat when I go on a diet - the infamous last meal. I know it's not just me because I have read it in other blogs. But safety in numbers doesn't make it any less unhealthy.
So tonight I'm wearing my staple wardrobe - the ever slimming all black. Black top (non fitting around the hips and tummy), black A-line skirt (a size 14 but only because the waistband is up around my ribs and not on my hips where I'm sure it supposed to be), black suede knee high boots (bought from Duo which specialises in fat-girl boots, god bless them). I'll be seeing people I haven't seen in a few months and I am already imagining what they're going to be thinking - god how FAT did SHE get?? I don't blame them - if it were them I would certainly be thinking it myself.
But this time next year, I'll be wearing something WAY cuter and sexier and those very same people will be thinking god how THIN did SHE get?? Either that or 'there goes queen of the yo-yo dieters'. Either would work for me.
Well, happy new year to all. May your chardonnay be ever more oaky.
Monday 31 December 2007
Thursday 27 December 2007
And so it begins...
Yes folks its yet another weight loss blog. And a bride-to-be blog. Because right now, I am on track to be a WIDE BRIDE.
So, all about me. I'm almost 32, I'm from New Zealand but now live in London, United Kingdom. I came here in 2002 on a two year working holiday and never quite made it back. So after adventures in Visa-land (oh and what FUN they were), here I stay - hopefully for many more years to come. Well that's the plan anyway.
I met my fiancee, G, in 2004. We got together about 6 months later, just when the good people at the Home Office were doing their best to send me back to NZ. He's an Englishman (to the CORE which makes things very interesting as I am a good kiwi girl). When we decided to move things 'to a higher level' I had already booked my flight back, not really sure when I was to return. Added to the high drama and passion of the relationship, let me tell you... Or not... Its not going to be THAT kind of blog.
So I was back in NZ for a couple of months while my visa was being sorted and the rest, as they say, is history (despite the scheming antics of a slightly psychotic ex-girlfriend of G...). Fast forward a couple of blissful, wine-soaked years and here I am with a whopping great diamond on my hand and about 20 excess kgs to lose.
Which brings me to the weight loss part of this blog. My GOD where to start with that. See at the start of the year when I was a bridesmaid for friend of mine, I was a good 15kg lighter. Yes, you read that correctly - I managed to gain 15kg in a year. Well, less than a year really. Jealous? Now you may be forgiven for thinking that I just gained the weight because of the happiness of my relationship with G and the security that comes with a 2 carat asscher cut diamond platinum ring (with shoulder diamonds). But the sick truth is, this is my 'normal' state.
I have always been overweight. At 5'2" I was probably at my highest weight (somewhere in the 80-85kg range) in my early 20s. At that weight I was sitting comfortably in a size 18-20 (that is NZ sizes which translates to a horrifying 20-22 in UK size or 16-18 in US - as best as I can estimate). I made several attempts throughout my life to lose weight (I come from a very weight-conscious family - in that the 3 girls of the family and my mother always had weight issues although the boys managed to escape that somehow) so various popular diets of the time did the rounds in my family - weightwatchers, the Scarsdale diet, slimfast or another milkshake based diet of similar ilk.
And I was in fact very successful on a few occasions. When I was 13-14 years old, I lost loads of weight on the Scarsdale diet and through jogging. I must have got down to about 8 stone (around 51kgs) but because it wasn't the golden 7 and a half stone that I wanted to hit, I was unhappy and still felt enormous. I managed to gain most of it back over the school summer holidays and I decided to resign myself to just being fat and hating myself. Worked pretty well - I was smart, good at school, had loads of friends and an acerbic wit. Oh and when I say 'resign myself' I obviously mean starting a new diet every Monday only to cave by Tuesday afternoon - I never got used to being fat and self conscious and wishing I was Alison Brahe in Dolly magazine (god, remember HER?!).
So through the beer years (age 16-23) I got myself up to what was probably my highest weight ever. I was learning to drink, going to parties, moving out of home and going to university, eating pizza most nights and doing a lot of sitting around studying. And watching tv. I got my first boyfriend at age 17 having met him at the 7th form after-ball party (he was not the guy I went to the ball with, mind you). He was 19 and had left school already (a different school that I went to) and lived in a different city about an hour and a half's drive away. We fell madly in love (as you do at that age) and it lasted a good year but in the meantime I moved to a different city to go to university and basically I just grew out of the relationship. Sad, but inevitable.
I grew out of my next relationship too as I left uni and began work in the 2 years that we were together. Sad, but again inevitable. I only wonder how the hell I managed to stay with him so long. Well I do know - nothing makes you more desperate for a relationship to work than an extra 15kgs hanging off your hips and arse.
So after 5 years at uni I started my career and after 6 months after a particularly stressful and emotional time (my job at that time was emotionally draining and a real learning curve), I got sick. I must have got some kind of stomach bug or whatever but I was really run down and threw up for like a week. It was brilliant because I came out of that a size 14 - I couldn't even REMEMBER a time that I was a size 14.
So I decided not to look that gift horse in the mouth and began again watching what I ate and exercising. I bought new clothes and finally felt like my life was starting - I had an impressive career, money for the first time (well in comparison to my meager student earnings) and I actually felt (if not slim) NOT FAT. I went out a lot and it was the beginning of what I now look back on as one of the best times in my life (so far obviously).
I met a guy who really really liked. Unlike my boyfriends thus far, he was smart, educated, had a good job, good car, earned more than me and was HILARIOUS. His humour was sarcastic, mean and dead pan - like a (only slightly) better-looking Blackadder. God he was great.
Naturally he dumped me after about 3 months but for that 3 months it was great. I never quite felt like I deserved someone like him because he was smart and witty so I was always slightly anxious and worked hard to keep him - be cool but not too cool, be laid back but not too laid back, accessible but not too... well, you get the picture.
So when it ended, I was humiliated and knew that obviously it was because I was too fat and needy. So began the first real successful diet and weight loss of my life. I joined weightwatchers and went from 71kg to 58kg in about 8 months before losing the anger I needed to fuel my willpower. I lay in bed every night imagining the moment he would see me again at a party, all thin and gorgeous. I would be wearing dark blue jeans and a fitting black sleeveless v-necked top. Then he would know what he had done, oh yes he would.
My goal weight for that diet was 55kg but (as it seems has been the pattern of my life) I gave up just 3 kgs away from goal. I'll go in to it more in future posts but I remember starting to feel good about myself and getting over the fact that I was dumped by a poisonous dwarf. I was wearing NZ size 8-12 depending on the store sizing and the type of clothing (I have narrow shoulders and back, big boobs and rounder hips, bum and thighs so I'm bigger on the bottom than the top but because of the 'ladies' top buying can be a nightmare).
It didn't last. Yes I know, shocking. I gained it all back within the year (I was just so tired of fucking DIETING) and really began binge eating. It was pretty disgusting. Again, I intend to go into it in future posts as there is just too much to tackle now.
Then I met my third major boyfriend of my life. I was fat (a NZ size 16 again) and he LOVED it. Oh yes, he loved the fatties. Well not the pretty-much-bordering-on-obese, but he loved big butts (and I cannot lie), big boobs and cuddly tummies. I was well in.
We were together for a year or so when we came over to the UK together in September 2002. It became apparent pretty quickly that it wasn't going to last (he was of very nervous disposition, hated changes, hated spending money, hated sex) but we drifted in to a weird friendship and stayed together for 18 months after we came over here. During that time, a good friend of mine had announced her engagement and asked me to be a bridesmaid in NZ in February 2004. I was determined not to be 'the fat bridesmaid' and so began the second great diet of my life.
Oh how I look back to that golden diet time of my life. I followed the WW points system that had worked so well for me when I was 24, pointing everything and going to the gym 4 times a week. Again, my goal weight was 55kg (though I didn't weigh myself for most of that period - I was too scared to know and felt that I should be aiming for dress-size rather than a number on the scales) and got down to 58 again in time for my friend's wedding. Again, I felt fabulous and the FUSS that ensued when I went back to NZ - my god it was brilliant!!
So I came back to London a single gal and set to enjoying life as a thin, available chick in her late 20s in London. During that time it was not unusual for me to rock up to work hungover at least 3 times a week. Most of my friends from NZ were living in the UK at this time so every night I had someone to see or something to do. By the time G and I finally got things together in November 2004 I was back to a UK size 16. It wasn't just the going out and borderline alcoholism, it was the binging as well. More on that in future posts, but lets just say the feeling lying in bed and panting and sweating AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY is all too fresh in my mind. You know (or maybe you don't) the feeling of being so stuffed full of crap that you just lie there barely able to breathe and sweating with the effort of it all? Yeah, that was 2004.
Then I was forced back to NZ to sort out the visa and with 2 months in my parents' home (it was a sudden trip back due to my visa being unexpectedly declined so I had not planned financially for it), back to my mother's fat-laden cooking in massive portions, the drinking I was doing to compensate for my crap life and the comfort eating I was doing because I was missing G and worried about what was going on with us. I went back fatter than when I left and grew steadily again to a size 18.
Then another friend announced she was getting married and she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. Cue re-enactment of 2003. I went on a diet for a year but wasn't quite as successful as before. I made it to a size 10-12 and 61kg which was 3kg (or half a size or so) bigger than for my first friend's wedding. Oh to be that now.
So here I am. G and I got engaged in March 2007 (just after the wedding we attended with me as bridesmaid) and with the wedding set for March 2009 I figured I had PLENTY of time to fine tune things before my wedding. And fine tune them I did. I am now wearing a size 16 trouser and size 14 top (sometimes size 12 but not often) and I'm probably around 75kg. I say probably because I haven't been on the scales for a while.
So, here's the deal. My diet begins on Wednesday 2 January. I will then have a year and 2 months til my 'big day'. Weight-wise, I'm not sure what my goal is. I would like to be a size 8-10 which is I think not emaciated given my height and build but will mean that I am not (as I am now) as wide as I am tall. I plan to do WW online. I looked in to going to actual meetings but there aren't any meetings near where I live or work that would really fit in with my lifestyle. I think this time I really need the accountability that comes with actually joining a group rather than going it alone.
Exercise wise, I'll be going to the gym. I belong to the Fitness First near my house (its about 6 minutes walk and on the way to work). What has worked for me in the past has been going 4 times a week for a good 40-60 minutes of cardio workout. I really find weights boring and the results too slow but I know I need to actually do resistance as well as cardio. But at the end of January or maybe February, I intend to get a personal trainer to work out with me once a week for say 10 weeks to design a programme for me and to get me started. Then I have a 10 day holiday in Boston at Easter which I will have 'off' in terms of diet and workout. Then its back to the grind.
So that's the plan folks. G and I go back to NZ at the end of June 2008 to sort things out with the wedding etc (oh, that's where we're getting married - did I mention that?) and by then I hope to have chosen a dress. I think I'll start trying on dresses in May-June as I will have lost some weight by then and I'll have a better idea of how things will look even if I'm not quite 'there' yet.
So there has been a lot of talk about weight loss, and not a lot to do with the wedding. Never fear, I am sure the balance will redress itself over the next 12 months and you will be sick to tears with the wedding. A few basics to be going on with though:
Where: A vineyard in the Hawkes Bay, New Zealand
When: March 2009
Who: Me (WideBride) and my fiancee G
What: A wedding for about (really rough guess as we haven't sorted out the guest list yet) but maybe 80 people, the ceremony is outside on a beautiful lawn (please pray for good weather) overlooking vines and then the reception is onsite in the actual vineyard building
So things that have been booked: Venue, photographer, string quartet for the period between the ceremony and the reception when all the photos are being taken, cars (1960s cream Daimlers)
Things that are not yet booked: Florist, hair and makeup person, band or DJ for reception, videographer (if we are having one) and Celebrant (though I am hoping my Uncle who is a Deacon will do the ceremony but I haven't asked him yet)
The wedding party: I have 2 adult bridesmaids, my very good NZ friends N and A. G will hopefully have 2 groomsmen (he has only asked one so far but he seemed rather confused by the whole concept - more on that in later posts) who are both English so we have the added stress of now knowing whether they will actually come out to NZ in 14 months as god only knows what will be going on with them then
So this whole blog is about 3 things really. One, keeping me accountable on my diet, two venting about wedding stress, and three just talking about my general life. At the risk of sounding like a complete wanker, I kind of want to remember the lead up to my wedding, the planning, what was going on in the final years of my life as an unmarried etc. And because I think when you write things down, you get a much clearer understanding of what you are really thinking and and what you are really feeling and when you see it in black and white you kind of get perspective. You know?
And lastly, a confession. I LOVE blogs. LOVE THEM. I have a few I have been reading and following for years. Although I thought about it, I never wrote in to them and left comments or anything - mainly I was overawed and just kind of grateful to them that they described their lives so well that it was almost like I was living there and their friend. Maybe as times go by I will tell you who I am talking about but for now I am kind of new to blogging so I'm not sure of the etiquette...
While I daren't hope that anyone will bother reading and following this blog, I am going to write it in the style that appeals to me so I will be writing it as if someone out there IS reading it. There will be swear words. There will be tears, tantrums, boredom, neurosis, ugliness (I may well go on in some detail about cellulite and stretch marks) and most of all, there will be spelling mistakes. Abd wit that I bid you god nite.
So, all about me. I'm almost 32, I'm from New Zealand but now live in London, United Kingdom. I came here in 2002 on a two year working holiday and never quite made it back. So after adventures in Visa-land (oh and what FUN they were), here I stay - hopefully for many more years to come. Well that's the plan anyway.
I met my fiancee, G, in 2004. We got together about 6 months later, just when the good people at the Home Office were doing their best to send me back to NZ. He's an Englishman (to the CORE which makes things very interesting as I am a good kiwi girl). When we decided to move things 'to a higher level' I had already booked my flight back, not really sure when I was to return. Added to the high drama and passion of the relationship, let me tell you... Or not... Its not going to be THAT kind of blog.
So I was back in NZ for a couple of months while my visa was being sorted and the rest, as they say, is history (despite the scheming antics of a slightly psychotic ex-girlfriend of G...). Fast forward a couple of blissful, wine-soaked years and here I am with a whopping great diamond on my hand and about 20 excess kgs to lose.
Which brings me to the weight loss part of this blog. My GOD where to start with that. See at the start of the year when I was a bridesmaid for friend of mine, I was a good 15kg lighter. Yes, you read that correctly - I managed to gain 15kg in a year. Well, less than a year really. Jealous? Now you may be forgiven for thinking that I just gained the weight because of the happiness of my relationship with G and the security that comes with a 2 carat asscher cut diamond platinum ring (with shoulder diamonds). But the sick truth is, this is my 'normal' state.
I have always been overweight. At 5'2" I was probably at my highest weight (somewhere in the 80-85kg range) in my early 20s. At that weight I was sitting comfortably in a size 18-20 (that is NZ sizes which translates to a horrifying 20-22 in UK size or 16-18 in US - as best as I can estimate). I made several attempts throughout my life to lose weight (I come from a very weight-conscious family - in that the 3 girls of the family and my mother always had weight issues although the boys managed to escape that somehow) so various popular diets of the time did the rounds in my family - weightwatchers, the Scarsdale diet, slimfast or another milkshake based diet of similar ilk.
And I was in fact very successful on a few occasions. When I was 13-14 years old, I lost loads of weight on the Scarsdale diet and through jogging. I must have got down to about 8 stone (around 51kgs) but because it wasn't the golden 7 and a half stone that I wanted to hit, I was unhappy and still felt enormous. I managed to gain most of it back over the school summer holidays and I decided to resign myself to just being fat and hating myself. Worked pretty well - I was smart, good at school, had loads of friends and an acerbic wit. Oh and when I say 'resign myself' I obviously mean starting a new diet every Monday only to cave by Tuesday afternoon - I never got used to being fat and self conscious and wishing I was Alison Brahe in Dolly magazine (god, remember HER?!).
So through the beer years (age 16-23) I got myself up to what was probably my highest weight ever. I was learning to drink, going to parties, moving out of home and going to university, eating pizza most nights and doing a lot of sitting around studying. And watching tv. I got my first boyfriend at age 17 having met him at the 7th form after-ball party (he was not the guy I went to the ball with, mind you). He was 19 and had left school already (a different school that I went to) and lived in a different city about an hour and a half's drive away. We fell madly in love (as you do at that age) and it lasted a good year but in the meantime I moved to a different city to go to university and basically I just grew out of the relationship. Sad, but inevitable.
I grew out of my next relationship too as I left uni and began work in the 2 years that we were together. Sad, but again inevitable. I only wonder how the hell I managed to stay with him so long. Well I do know - nothing makes you more desperate for a relationship to work than an extra 15kgs hanging off your hips and arse.
So after 5 years at uni I started my career and after 6 months after a particularly stressful and emotional time (my job at that time was emotionally draining and a real learning curve), I got sick. I must have got some kind of stomach bug or whatever but I was really run down and threw up for like a week. It was brilliant because I came out of that a size 14 - I couldn't even REMEMBER a time that I was a size 14.
So I decided not to look that gift horse in the mouth and began again watching what I ate and exercising. I bought new clothes and finally felt like my life was starting - I had an impressive career, money for the first time (well in comparison to my meager student earnings) and I actually felt (if not slim) NOT FAT. I went out a lot and it was the beginning of what I now look back on as one of the best times in my life (so far obviously).
I met a guy who really really liked. Unlike my boyfriends thus far, he was smart, educated, had a good job, good car, earned more than me and was HILARIOUS. His humour was sarcastic, mean and dead pan - like a (only slightly) better-looking Blackadder. God he was great.
Naturally he dumped me after about 3 months but for that 3 months it was great. I never quite felt like I deserved someone like him because he was smart and witty so I was always slightly anxious and worked hard to keep him - be cool but not too cool, be laid back but not too laid back, accessible but not too... well, you get the picture.
So when it ended, I was humiliated and knew that obviously it was because I was too fat and needy. So began the first real successful diet and weight loss of my life. I joined weightwatchers and went from 71kg to 58kg in about 8 months before losing the anger I needed to fuel my willpower. I lay in bed every night imagining the moment he would see me again at a party, all thin and gorgeous. I would be wearing dark blue jeans and a fitting black sleeveless v-necked top. Then he would know what he had done, oh yes he would.
My goal weight for that diet was 55kg but (as it seems has been the pattern of my life) I gave up just 3 kgs away from goal. I'll go in to it more in future posts but I remember starting to feel good about myself and getting over the fact that I was dumped by a poisonous dwarf. I was wearing NZ size 8-12 depending on the store sizing and the type of clothing (I have narrow shoulders and back, big boobs and rounder hips, bum and thighs so I'm bigger on the bottom than the top but because of the 'ladies' top buying can be a nightmare).
It didn't last. Yes I know, shocking. I gained it all back within the year (I was just so tired of fucking DIETING) and really began binge eating. It was pretty disgusting. Again, I intend to go into it in future posts as there is just too much to tackle now.
Then I met my third major boyfriend of my life. I was fat (a NZ size 16 again) and he LOVED it. Oh yes, he loved the fatties. Well not the pretty-much-bordering-on-obese, but he loved big butts (and I cannot lie), big boobs and cuddly tummies. I was well in.
We were together for a year or so when we came over to the UK together in September 2002. It became apparent pretty quickly that it wasn't going to last (he was of very nervous disposition, hated changes, hated spending money, hated sex) but we drifted in to a weird friendship and stayed together for 18 months after we came over here. During that time, a good friend of mine had announced her engagement and asked me to be a bridesmaid in NZ in February 2004. I was determined not to be 'the fat bridesmaid' and so began the second great diet of my life.
Oh how I look back to that golden diet time of my life. I followed the WW points system that had worked so well for me when I was 24, pointing everything and going to the gym 4 times a week. Again, my goal weight was 55kg (though I didn't weigh myself for most of that period - I was too scared to know and felt that I should be aiming for dress-size rather than a number on the scales) and got down to 58 again in time for my friend's wedding. Again, I felt fabulous and the FUSS that ensued when I went back to NZ - my god it was brilliant!!
So I came back to London a single gal and set to enjoying life as a thin, available chick in her late 20s in London. During that time it was not unusual for me to rock up to work hungover at least 3 times a week. Most of my friends from NZ were living in the UK at this time so every night I had someone to see or something to do. By the time G and I finally got things together in November 2004 I was back to a UK size 16. It wasn't just the going out and borderline alcoholism, it was the binging as well. More on that in future posts, but lets just say the feeling lying in bed and panting and sweating AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY is all too fresh in my mind. You know (or maybe you don't) the feeling of being so stuffed full of crap that you just lie there barely able to breathe and sweating with the effort of it all? Yeah, that was 2004.
Then I was forced back to NZ to sort out the visa and with 2 months in my parents' home (it was a sudden trip back due to my visa being unexpectedly declined so I had not planned financially for it), back to my mother's fat-laden cooking in massive portions, the drinking I was doing to compensate for my crap life and the comfort eating I was doing because I was missing G and worried about what was going on with us. I went back fatter than when I left and grew steadily again to a size 18.
Then another friend announced she was getting married and she wanted me to be a bridesmaid. Cue re-enactment of 2003. I went on a diet for a year but wasn't quite as successful as before. I made it to a size 10-12 and 61kg which was 3kg (or half a size or so) bigger than for my first friend's wedding. Oh to be that now.
So here I am. G and I got engaged in March 2007 (just after the wedding we attended with me as bridesmaid) and with the wedding set for March 2009 I figured I had PLENTY of time to fine tune things before my wedding. And fine tune them I did. I am now wearing a size 16 trouser and size 14 top (sometimes size 12 but not often) and I'm probably around 75kg. I say probably because I haven't been on the scales for a while.
So, here's the deal. My diet begins on Wednesday 2 January. I will then have a year and 2 months til my 'big day'. Weight-wise, I'm not sure what my goal is. I would like to be a size 8-10 which is I think not emaciated given my height and build but will mean that I am not (as I am now) as wide as I am tall. I plan to do WW online. I looked in to going to actual meetings but there aren't any meetings near where I live or work that would really fit in with my lifestyle. I think this time I really need the accountability that comes with actually joining a group rather than going it alone.
Exercise wise, I'll be going to the gym. I belong to the Fitness First near my house (its about 6 minutes walk and on the way to work). What has worked for me in the past has been going 4 times a week for a good 40-60 minutes of cardio workout. I really find weights boring and the results too slow but I know I need to actually do resistance as well as cardio. But at the end of January or maybe February, I intend to get a personal trainer to work out with me once a week for say 10 weeks to design a programme for me and to get me started. Then I have a 10 day holiday in Boston at Easter which I will have 'off' in terms of diet and workout. Then its back to the grind.
So that's the plan folks. G and I go back to NZ at the end of June 2008 to sort things out with the wedding etc (oh, that's where we're getting married - did I mention that?) and by then I hope to have chosen a dress. I think I'll start trying on dresses in May-June as I will have lost some weight by then and I'll have a better idea of how things will look even if I'm not quite 'there' yet.
So there has been a lot of talk about weight loss, and not a lot to do with the wedding. Never fear, I am sure the balance will redress itself over the next 12 months and you will be sick to tears with the wedding. A few basics to be going on with though:
Where: A vineyard in the Hawkes Bay, New Zealand
When: March 2009
Who: Me (WideBride) and my fiancee G
What: A wedding for about (really rough guess as we haven't sorted out the guest list yet) but maybe 80 people, the ceremony is outside on a beautiful lawn (please pray for good weather) overlooking vines and then the reception is onsite in the actual vineyard building
So things that have been booked: Venue, photographer, string quartet for the period between the ceremony and the reception when all the photos are being taken, cars (1960s cream Daimlers)
Things that are not yet booked: Florist, hair and makeup person, band or DJ for reception, videographer (if we are having one) and Celebrant (though I am hoping my Uncle who is a Deacon will do the ceremony but I haven't asked him yet)
The wedding party: I have 2 adult bridesmaids, my very good NZ friends N and A. G will hopefully have 2 groomsmen (he has only asked one so far but he seemed rather confused by the whole concept - more on that in later posts) who are both English so we have the added stress of now knowing whether they will actually come out to NZ in 14 months as god only knows what will be going on with them then
So this whole blog is about 3 things really. One, keeping me accountable on my diet, two venting about wedding stress, and three just talking about my general life. At the risk of sounding like a complete wanker, I kind of want to remember the lead up to my wedding, the planning, what was going on in the final years of my life as an unmarried etc. And because I think when you write things down, you get a much clearer understanding of what you are really thinking and and what you are really feeling and when you see it in black and white you kind of get perspective. You know?
And lastly, a confession. I LOVE blogs. LOVE THEM. I have a few I have been reading and following for years. Although I thought about it, I never wrote in to them and left comments or anything - mainly I was overawed and just kind of grateful to them that they described their lives so well that it was almost like I was living there and their friend. Maybe as times go by I will tell you who I am talking about but for now I am kind of new to blogging so I'm not sure of the etiquette...
While I daren't hope that anyone will bother reading and following this blog, I am going to write it in the style that appeals to me so I will be writing it as if someone out there IS reading it. There will be swear words. There will be tears, tantrums, boredom, neurosis, ugliness (I may well go on in some detail about cellulite and stretch marks) and most of all, there will be spelling mistakes. Abd wit that I bid you god nite.
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