Putting the 'wide' back in to WideBride

Yeah, the eating hasn't been so great the last few days...

Yesterday G and I went to a full day wine tasting and that was never going to end well. I could not tell you how much wine I had but it ended with a shared bowl of cheese fries and almost an entire sausage pizza. I woke up about 3 times during last night in a furious sweat from having so much salt and I couldn't rehydrate myself no matter how much water i drank.

Then today, sporting a headache and now a sniffly nose and raised glands, I had toast with low fat spread and marmite, a packet of french fries crisps, a small tub of yoghurt, a ham and tomato omlette, a pint of lager and FIVE, yes FIVE Ben's chocolate chip cookies from Euston station (consumed on the train on the way up north where I am for work). I'm bloody disgusting. And of course because I don't feel well I'm thinking of eating more food to make mysef feel better. Dis-bloody-graceful. I have also bought a small packet of speckled chocolate eggs from marks which I can't quite bring myself to eat. I have a butternut squash salad as well which i may or may not have, just to round off the day. I am gross.

But its back to the regime tomorrow. Back to pointing and back to the gym (am staying at a hotel with a great gym so its a no-brainer). Back to feeling good about myself and feeling like my goal of a 2kg loss in the next 3 and a half weeks is achievable. I hope I haven't done too much damage over the last few days but I'll just have to wear the consequences if I do.

I mean things could have been a LOT worse. I am not lying on my hotel bed right now, feeling absolutely sick from eating cheesecake (usually a binge food of choice) and sweating with a huge distended belly. God have I been THERE before. This isn't even really a binge - if it was those speckled eggs would not be standing a chance. I looked over the room service menu and nothing really excites so that can't be a binge right??

Oh well, onwards and upwards. On the way up here on the train I read over Dietchick's archives from August - November 2002 and as usual I felt a real sense of comraderie with this girl I've never met who went through exactly I am going through (again) and as usual I was left feeling this real sense of resolve that I will get to target dammit. Even though Dietchick (somehow I feel weird using her actual name - like that's way too intimate and I'm not worthy) didn't quite make it to goal before she started on the way back up, her blog really does help me. She is so painfully honest, not sugar coating anything and telling the whole sordid diet business as it really is. And so fucking funny I was getting weird looks from the rest of the carriage as I was spluttering out cookie crumbs all down my front. If only they knew what I was reading at the time...

Right, well as usual Dietchick has inspired me to start really thinking about my yo-yo dieting over the years. I have lost and gained probably the same 20kg no less than 3 times and now I'm on my 4th attempt. I have never really thought too deeply about why I always regain the weight and I know that I need to really honestly think about that and deal with it if I'm to keep it off this time. So that's going to be my little project over the next few weeks. Really analyse each diet I went on, my motivations, my struggles, my feelings and see if i can't make sense of the whole damn mess.